With it being Valentine’s day and all, I, along with my friend Hannah, who co-authored this post, have some thoughts for you. Thoughts about how we can love people with what we say, or, in some cases, don’t say. I continually feel like people underestimate the power of their own words in the lives of others, and I’d like to bring to your consciousness the influence you hold, and your ability to love people in ways they may not even realize exist.
To start off with, we’re going to discuss compliments. Compliments to people you marginally know know or don’t know at all, and compliments and encouragement towards your people.
Alright, you know what I don’t understand? Why are we so afraid to talk to people we don’t know and will most likely never see again? I feel like our society has become a closed up one, where we all travel along in our personal bubbles in an effort to minimize interactions with strangers unless absolutely necessary. We are all doing this life. Everybody is both struggling with something and hopefully succeeding at something else.
Why can’t we be a little more communicative? A little more affirmative? Yes, we are all leading diverse lives, but that shouldn’t be a factor in stopping us from identifying and sharing the wonderful things we see in other people. Could we tell the mom carrying the infant carrier and diaper bag and holding the toddler that she's a complete ninja? Or tell the cashier that they've got a great smile and that they're great at interacting with customers? A compliment is one of the most underrated things you can give someone, and if you think something nice about someone but you fail to say it, what a waste of positivity! You could brighten up their day just a little, and maybe they need some extra brightness. Just open your mouth and say the thing. Worst case scenario- it’s awkward. And nobody ever died of awkwardness. I believe in you. You can do it.
Moreover, what about your people? I’m talking about your friends, your cohorts, your lunch buddies, your family. The people you know and interact with often. How well and how often do we affirm these people in our lives? And if we aren’t affirming them, what is stopping us? There shouldn’t be any fear of awkwardness, as we should know and hopefully trust these people. I strongly believe that life is too short and unpredictable to be restrained in loving and encouraging our people.
We should be telling these people what makes the especially special and valuable to us. For instance: Tell them that they're kind, considerate, well dressed, a magnificent card writer, compassionate, altruistic, that they're beautiful, or whatever they are that they don't hear enough.
I know that there are many different love languages, but I feel like everyone just needs to be reminded of their worth and uniquely excellent characteristics. Society and the media have such a knack for making us feel insignificant and insufficient, neither of which are valid. As individuals, we have the power to fight against these trends on behalf of our people by reminding them of their intrinsic value.
Now let’s talk about when it’s best not to say some things, and the better kinds of things you can say instead, brought to you by Hannah-
Often we like to think ourselves to be insignificant, unable to spark change in this world. But consider how often the little things can brighten your day. Why would that only be true for you? Everyone loves those little compliments and small smiles. Your words hold the power to change a life forever. You hold that power every day. It’s overwhelming, yes, but that should open your eyes to the unlimited influence you have upon the world. So never, underestimate the power of kindness.
There is a lesson that I believe is one of the hardest to learn, and most people still have not learned. It is something I have stumbled upon within the last few months, and I am grateful to finally put into words. To put simply, it’s a lesson I like to call, “Being Right vs. Being Kind.” There is a time and place to fight for truth and justice, and there is a time to help others. For instance, when there is a peer or boss that is simply stating something incorrectly, it would be beneficial for both parties to explain how you are right. However, when it comes to relationships, arguing for the sake of being right is often harmful.
Of course you want to be right, no one likes being wrong. But when you friend calls you at three in the morning because that boy you said was trouble finally broke their heart, saying “I told you so,” offers them little comfort. When your significant other unwittingly hurts your feelings but then complains that you hurt theirs, you take a deep breath and apologize. It doesn’t mean you lie about who you are or how you feel, it doesn’t mean you compromise your sense of self. It means you are strong enough to put the good of a relationship over the chance to inflate your pride.
Because pride is a selfish gift, it will only ever benefit yourself and can easily provide your downfall. But the ability to compromise? That helps you AND others. Compassion. Empathy. Flexibility. All things that will help you grow as a person when you choose to be kind instead of choosing to be right. It will never be easy, and we all know how tempting it is to take the short burst of happiness that accompanies winning an argument. But that means your friend, family member or significant other has lost. Instead, I recommend a true victory in which both parties can remain in high spirits. It may feel counterproductive but I guarantee it will help you grow. And next time, when the roles are reversed, someone will in turn show you kindness instead of insisting you are wrong. If people chose being kind over being right, the world would be a much better place.
My take away from Hannah’s lesson is that to be able to be big enough to choose the path which does not prove your utter correctness is a sacrifice of our sense of self. This sacrifice is an act of love towards the other person, and invitation to compromise and work together. This further proves the potency of words, and to what degree we should be mindful in using them.
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