1st and 3rd, fireflies and crickets

We've done it, friends! We are in the midst of summer, and I am so thankful! These last two weeks I feel as if I've been hanging on by a thread. My motivation and creativity seem to have taken a little vacation recently. In all honestly, the whole 2nd half of this semester was hard. This was, in part due to the fact that I have had mono, and I can count on one hand the days I have not napped at some point when I'd have much rather been awake. Mono is no joke, and it made everything that comes with school and testing and an abundance of projects just that much harder.

At some point in the last month I feel like I've napped my way into a bit of a "survival mode", just focusing on moving forward, taking life one bit at a time as to not become entirely overwhelmed. Frustratingly, I feel as if this narrow, forward view has caused me to miss out on some beautiful moments and opportunities, or at the very least not enjoying each as I should. Thanks to all these factors, I've felt like my brain just has nothing. No inspiration, no conviction, no motivation, nothing. Just blank, empty nothingness. If you'll recall, I wrote about these exact same feelings a year ago, and I wouldn't be surprised to find myself in this same situation next year. I've just been hearing crickets, which is immensely frustrating, because I have a fresh yearful of knowledge and a list of things I've been waiting to do and things to write about, and now that I finally have the time, my brain is just an empty space in which some chirping insects have made a home.

Earlier this week something finally gave. I essentially wrapped up the end of my academia for the year, with 2 days filled with exempted finals before me and nothing more. I was nervously anticipating a job interview, which went tremendously well. This summer my weekend evenings will be spent working at the cutest little candy shop located picturesquely over Lake Travis, and I couldn’t be more excited about this first job of mine. The candy store is located near a restaurant which overlooks the lake which has been on my family’s bucket list, so we chose to dine there as there wasn’t a wait on a mellow Wednesday evening.

I was driving the truck home through a wooded area when I suddenly realized I was seeing more twinkling lights than I should be. More than a strange reflection or lights on a power pole. This was a phenomenon. Pinpricks of green light, bright and small, appearing and reappearing along the side of the road. Fireflies! I was actually giddy. We pulled over and I couldn’t even comprehend how amazing they were. You see, I know fireflies are real. I know they are not a myth and that they exist. I just thought that they really don’t light up all that much, that they maybe omit a soft glow once or twice in an evening, and that you’d have to camp out and watch them really closely if you planned to see anything extraordinary. Kinda like a meteor shower, you know? I thought the accounts of forests full of them was simply an idealistic exaggeration perpetuated by Disney such as in the beginning of Pirates of the Caribbean or in their variety of animated films. I had no idea you could just pull over at dusk and watch a whole village of these little bugs glow bright green and flutter here and there up in the trees.

I was amazed. In that moment, standing next to the truck, hugged by the heavy, warm air, wearing my favorite dress and newly employed, everything else dropped away. Time could have just stopped and I’m not sure that I’d have noticed. These fireflies somehow made me stop and realize how much I may have missed these last weeks as I was working and pushing towards the next moment alone.  In that moment I was free from every moment except the one I was inhabiting, and that was liberating. It made me snap back to the reality that time goes so immeasurably fast, and there’s not enough to afford me the opportunity to let these moments pass. This is becoming a startling reality as I’m now a junior, and seniors are graduating on Saturday, meaning my very special senior person is graduating. And it means that I’m not far behind. Everything is going too fast. TOOO FAST!

Summer is here! I am done with school for the year! I’m not going back on Monday! I’m going to be able to do what I want with my time and be able to blog and photograph and craft again! I am so excited!

And speaking of photography, I have exciting news! I am a member of the North Austin Photographic Society and last week I entered these 2 photos for the monthly competition and critique, as I’d attended the 2 previous meetings and was ready to be critiqued. And guess what? Last night I won first and third place! I was so excited I just about jumped out of my chair and I couldn’t stop smiling for a few hours. Not like forced smile because I want to feel happy, but like a smile that I couldn’t contain because I was just so proud and accomplished. It was a kind of joy that surpasses getting a great grade on a test, and I realized that I really do love photography, and that yes, it definitely should be a part of my life, adjacent to my success in school. Photography really does bring so much joy to my life, and I’m immensely grateful to have the opportunity to realize that.

 

Anyways, not to brag, but it’s really saying something, winning 2 ribbons in a photo contest filled with adults who’ve been shooting for years, when I haven’t been shooting DSLR for even a whole year. I am so excited to continue to better my skills, especially considering that I’m taking AP photography next year!

What a summer we have before us! I’m so ready to make the most of it, drinking all the freedom and autonomy in. Are you ready? What does your summer look like?